Going Down...

hi!!!

It's a downturn in my life. I thought I can have a step closer towards my dream but, it is still far beyond my reach. Maybe I am pessimistic but still, there is not much hope for me. What else can I do?
Try harder? Give up? I seriously don't know.

Moreover, this semester is not an easy semester for me. It will be a very cramp and busy semester. I know myself well. I am not a clever student. Time is a very important factor for me. Repeating what I did last semester is not a wrong choice but the fun is not there. What I did last semester was really something that amazed me. I bought a book and read it during the first week of the semester. Even during the weekend, I still faced the book. I put away most of my leisure time to study. And I got teased by my friends. Some will even say, ' Study so much, but you still know nothing!' I know I am stupid! I just have to face the fact and go on. To maintain my happy go lucky status, I just smiled with some nice reply of course. Actually, some of the comments hurt me quite terribly.
Right now, I feel it is worthy. Being the dean list holder which was my aim when I first step into the life of tertiary education came true after I put in all my blood, sweat and tears into it. It took me 3 years to achieve that and I know this is nothing new to most of the students.

But to get another dean certificate is not easy for me. I just wasted my first two weeks of my current semester without studying much. In fact, I had fun with my friends which now I feel a little bit of regret. If I studied for the past 2 weeks, I won't feel much of the stress. Well, it's only a 'maybe'.

Going back to the downturn in my life. I just noticed that I know what my ambition really is. At first, I told myself that I wanna be an engineer. But, what kind of engineer? That's the question that took years to find out the answer.

Since I know the answer, I tried to find the training I needed to graduate which is related to my ambition. Unfortunately, I think I screwed up and I need to accept another offer which is not really what I want for the time being. If I get the training that I aimed for, maybe I know what should I do to improve myself for the job. But, I feel that I am the man for the job since my personality suits the job related to troubleshooting and creativity. In short, gone case!

So? It's time to study hard like last semester and being teased as a nerd. I don't wanna study so hard actually. But I just need to in order to improve my CGPA. I don't hope to graduate with a poor pointer. I don't hope to lose my golden opportunity to realise my dream just because of a low CGPA.


If you are reading this, thank you because you have at least understood part of me.




-steam-